So for the past week and a half I have felt super tired and lethargic. I knew something was wrong so I went to the Dr. and got labs drawn. I thought it was my hemoglobin since I have a history of anemia, but I got the results today and it turns out I have hyperthyroidism. Crazy. I was always under the impression that this means you are full of energy and burning crazy amount of calories and losing weight like none other but it turns out I was wrong. My thyroid is so active that it is using up all of my energy leaving me exhausted and feeling like I'm going to faint. It increases your anxiety level and you get palpitatons and nervousness. The body compensates for the calories used by your thyroid being super active by increasing your appetite so you oftentimes don't lose weight at all. This is like HUGE. I have been on anxiety medication for a few years now and get light headed and weak so easily. I went from running 5-6 miles easily to being exhausted after 1 or 2.

When I was 17 I had anorexia and had to go to the doctor every two weeks to make sure I wasn't losing weight. He checked my thyroid and found that it was hyperactive but just said that we should monitor it and it would level out. A month or two later my levels were apparently normal and that was that. Shortly after I was put on anxiety medication because I always felt like my heart was racing and that I was going to pass out. It really makes me wonder if the anxiety issues may stem from my thyroid being out of whack for several years now. My mom and Grandfather both had partial thyroidectomys for thyroid issues, so it all makes sense now. Who knew?

well well. The new year has come and gone and I've all but disappeared from here. Busy with work and finishing up school. Jon got into med school!! He got home from another interview (in Cali!) last night. We decided we needed to have "the talk" as far as plans for next year go. Which is a little scarey, I'm not gonna lie, but super exciting and I'm ready for it.

I've been really good about running the past 2 monthes. I'm going every other day and then on the off days just going to the gym and ellipticalling and such. I've run for years but always slack off during the winter monthes. It makes it soooo hard to pick up again in the spring, so tis year I'm trying to truck through it. I wound up getting sick last weekend and that effed up my schedule a little, so I'm trying to get back on track. Running today and then Striptease Workout later. Love it. I'm actually kinda good...which is comforting to know that if this whole nursing thing doesn't work out, at least I could support myself stripping...perhaps!

I had a little girl on palliative care yesterday at work. Sad story, she's 15 and her brain tumor is inoperable. They aren't even doing chemo, just trying to make her comfortable. What made this hit home was that it turns out she's from Delaware and goes to the same school as my little brother. I pray that she isn't suffering and can have some time to spend with her family and that her pain is managed. But caring for her for the past two days gave me a chance to see the reality of what it means to be dying from cancer. She's completely out of it, neuro-wise she isnt there. I thought she was nonverbal until the afternoon when she turned to her mom and said "I love you mom, I don't want to die." It's heartbreaking. I love my job, but when you get patients like that it's so hard to still have hope for them. What do you do when they are at the point where treatment isn't an option but they are too sick to go home? Its such a challenge to care for these kids and be there to support the family when no matter what you do, this disease will kill her. Scary stuff.