Last night was very low key. Jon made french toast and we had breakfast for dinner...our favorite :) We watched a lot of Sopranos, our latest obsession, and layed low. It was so nice. I'd take a night at home with him over going out drinking with our friends any day. Went to Reading Terminal for breakfast today, Margo was a no show. I hope that is because she is busy packing and not because she is upset about the other night.

I need to go for a nice long run today. I always feel so much better after I run and I can just take that hour to think and be alone. I cant wait to go home and do Thanksgiving with the family. School is just not doable anymore. 5 years for a bachelors degree is a little much, and now that I'm at the end of my 5th year, I'm having such a hard time going to class and putting any effort into things. I love my job and wish I could just be done with school and nursing full time. I worry that Jon will get into med school outside of Philly and I'll have to choose between staying at CHOP and going with him. We both want to move to Seattle, but he hasnt heard from UW and is thinking he didnt get in there. If he gets into school in Vegas or like Nebraska or somewhere random, it may not be the opportunity that I need for my career. Its months away but certainly something I think about. And worry about. I wish I were more easy going and didnt get so caught up in worrying about things that either happened and I cant get over or are bound to happen eventually.

ugh I need to run.

Last night was a mightmare and I am so embarressed and upset over all of this. It was suppossed to be about Margo, her going away party before she moves to Boston this weekend, and somehow I got a little out of control and lost my shit. Shaina was there and I was irritated with her over recent events and felt the need to talk about it (ok, her) basically in front of her about all the reasons why she is a bitch and a piece of shit. Not cool. I was drinking (wine beer AND vodka...) and not catching on to everyones attempts to shut me up and went on and on. Embarressing. THEN I went to grab Jon and he pushed my hand away because he was annoyed with me and I lost it. I turned into that girl who is CRYING in the bar and in attempt to avoid making a scene, I left. I didnt realize at the time that doing so would CAUSE a scene, and Jon followed and we went home where we proceeded to argue and I decided it was ok to cry until 7 in the morning. What a mess. It was a buildup of a lot of things and I've been stressed and Jon wasnt willing to talk with me and communicate to me his concerns before it all escalated. I tried. We worked it out and are ok now, but I just feel so bad. I am 22 years old, I should know how to handle myself. I've been exhausted because I've been unable to sleep the past 3 nights and it just wore me down. Everyone was texting Jon last night like "what the fuck was that about?" and his roommate told him how rediculous I was being and decided to bag on him about that. I just feel terrible. I didnt think it was a big deal at the time, which is why I'm so confused. Dil was already talking about Shaina when I put my two cents in. Maybe it was uncalled for and I should have been the bigger person, but its been building up for so long and I just hate her. What hurts the most is that I probably made Shaina's night by arguing with Jon in front of her. I shattered the image of a perfect relationship, which is not even important, but I'm sure Shaina enjoyed that much. Jon just wants to move past it and feels really bad about the whole thing. I told him we can move on and be done with it, but in my head I am still obsessing over it. It was definitely a night of firsts and I cant stop replaying it all in my head. It amazes me how fast people can turn on you and how few true friends I have. I am just so sad.

Jon got his first med school interview yesterday!! I am so proud of him. I know he'll get in and be a wonderful doctor. It's for a school in Vegas. I doubt that I would want to live there, but we'll work it out. We had that whole conversation and decided we are ready to take that next step and start our life together. It's exciting. I never thought I'd be here. This is the most healthy relationship I have ever been in. We're learning to communicate with each other and that alone takes time and patience. It's a lot of work but I love it and I love him. It's so different than anything I have ever experienced and I am happy.

I ran 10 miles yesterday!!!! I've been running a few days a week between 3-6 miles each run but yesterday I was feeling good and it was nice out and I did the entire Kelly Drive loop and then around center city on my way back to the apartment. It felt so good. I'm a little sore but I'm impressed. I didn't think I could do that anymore. I havent run 10 miles in like 3 years, since I was at the University of Delaware. It was good though. I'd like to do the Broad St. run next year or something. I love running.

Crazy at work last night, so I stayed until 11pm to help out. Our friend Jake passed away after a long battle with Leukemia. It was so sad on the floor, we all loved him. I had all the babies again last night so that kept me busy.

Lindsey has gone off the deep end again. She is my sister and I know I should be there for her, but it's hard when she is so irrational. She makes her own decisions, I may not agree, but I support her regardless. I causually MENTION that I don't know what's going to happen next year if Jon get's into med school on the west coast and she looses it. We've had this conversation before, that we're talking about moving together because we want to stay together and avoid being long distance, but apparently this was news to her. She was crying and everything and like "you shouldn't move with a boy unless you are engaged, because THAT is commitment". Ummm....coming from someone who lived with her past 5 boyfriends, I can't really take you seriously. And as for relationship advice? You may be married now, but you are the LAST person I would come to with my relationship problems. So anyhow, she was like "I gotta go, I'll call you later" and never did. That was two days ago. Apparently she is not going back to school yet because buying a house is the priority and they want to have a baby. They just got married a month ago. Um, yeah...

I have the day off today! No work, no school. Contemplating what I want to do. It's crappy out so I'll have to run on the treadmill. Christmas shop maybe?!?!?

I love Sundays. I wish it still was. They called me into work yesterday afternoon which was fine, I love my job. So many babies on the unit right now, it's crazy. Scary that babies are getting cancer now. Their prognosis is generally poor in infancy. There is a 7 day old baby in the NICU with infantile leukemia. Such a sin. Two of my patients are dying right now and sadly I'm not sure all the prayers in the world are enough to save them. I still pray.

I'm listening to Christmas music right now! A little early I know, but it makes me smile. I started my xmas shopping early and have gotten a little done which is nice. Linz is going to be with Michael's family this year which is too bad, but at least we'll all be together for Thanksgiving. Jon is staying with my family for Thanksgiving break :) I'm excited....it's our first holiday that we are celebrating together with my family. I love him.

I want to do something special for my patients for the holidays, but I really don't know what to do. I was contemplating organizing a secret santa type of thing but I don't know. I also thought it would be nice to get the kids little christmas trees for their room, but they would have to be fake for neutropenic precautions. Maybe I'll do something crafty. I need to go to Michaels and get some inspiration. I love my kids at CHOP and have been thinking about this for awhile. I just wish I could come up with something...

I went to church with Jon and Margo this morning. Shaina decided to grace us with her presence (which I could have done without). I don't know why she hates me. She liked my boyfriend and he chose me...like 7 months ago and she HAS a boyfriend now. You would think she'd be over it, but shes just so rude towards me. Girls are strange. She's this super Catholic 25ish year old chicky who is ultra conservative and nosey. She took it upon herself to contact Jon over the summer (when he was in Seattle) to let him know I brought a guy back to my apartment one night. What she didnt know was that it was my good friend (who Jon also knows!) and we were going back to study so he could quiz me for my exam the next day. AND ITS NONE OF HER FUCKING BUSINESS! Since then she has decided to be my little stalker and let him know of anything else I do that appears to be shadey. Rediculous. So girlfriend showed up and walked with us to church, saying not a word to me the entire 3 hours we were together today. All I have to say is how DARE you insinuate that I'm a slut when you are the one wearing knee high hooker boots to church hahaha. You have to laugh it off I suppose. Some people are so strange. I find that the ones who insist on digging into your private life are the ones who lack one of their own to keep them occupied.

it got cold in philly. and i love it because it feels more like home. i've lived here for a little over 2 years and i think i'm ready for a change of scenery. i cross my fingers jon gets into medschool elsewhere....as in seattle or portland! i want to explore a new city and meet new people. i've been bumping into old friends and ex boyfriends lately (nate, ryan, meg etc.) and it makes me uneasy. i want a new start away from the craziness of philly. people are so rude here. i grew up in new england, where everyone knew everyone and if you didnt you introduced yourself and maybe went out to coffee. and then perhaps realized that your parents grew up together. certainly not the case here. people are rude, homeless, and constantly laying on their horn in busy intersections. it's foreign to me.

I am 22.
I am graduating nursing school in the spring.
I am in love.
I am left-handed.
I work with kids who have cancer.
I am a runner.
I love country music.